Art. Adventure. Athletics

" I love how artistic, adventurous and athletic you are mom." My eight year old daughter proclaimed this summer shortly after I had stand up paddle boarded (on my knees) down a class II rapid on the Salmon River. To clarify, my legs were burning on that paddle board and I didn't feel so athletic when I fell butt first on my first attempt or barely survived the ugly yet successful second attempt. Secondly, my daughter is a wonderful mirror and can see with surprising clarity. Her statement summed up everything fun and meaningful in my life and suddenly I saw myself with as much clarity as an 8 year old.

And at forty, having just quit a tenured faculty position that defined me for ten years, I'm dead set on stripping the bullshit away and focusing on fun and meaningful. My goal is to build a different kind of life. One that allows me to put art, adventure and athletics at center and the politics and pain far behind me. That was blissfully obvious to my daughter, but to me there is forty years of other peoples blinding expectations to peel away. My daughter must has x-ray vision.

So I'm dedicating this year, which always starts and ends September, to my daughters insight and my insistence that I can have everything.

I will be an Artist.

I will adventure

I will be an Athlete.

 

"That's funny each one of those words starts with A" she followed up as she kissed me and ran away.

Sometimes the answer is as obvious as the first letter in the alphabet.

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What I'm Going to Do

Since announcing my intention to leave my ten year tenured position at Bellevue College many people have asked me what I'm going to do. I'm serious about taking a break with my kids this summer and dead serious about having more fun. And more importantly, I'm dedicated to creating an environment for myself where I can test out some theories and ideas I have about work, life, creativity, change and leadership. For now, I'm keeping those ideas close; they need to incubate while I focus on finishing strong.

BUT, I can't help thinking about the question "What are you going to DO?" The well-intentioned question, sometimes framed as an accusation (What are you going to do?), sometimes disguised as coercion (What are you going to do?) and other times just from sheer curiosity resonates with me. Of course, I have asked myself the same thing, many, many, many times.  I’m eternally committed to the whast, the ams and the dos for myself.  The answer is that I’m certain of a few things that will carry me forward. 

So right now, in this moment of time, here is how I can answer the question:  WHAT ARE you going to DO?

Play
Of course, as some friends have already guessed, I’m going to travel, write, climb and crossfit.  And I’m going to meet my kids, husband and friends where they are in play, in the pool, the playground or in a handstand. 

And I’m deadly serious about this: Work should be playful.  Without play, creativity and possibility die.  Without play, there is no discovery.  How can ideas emerge and thrive without the opportunity that play gives us? How can work be love if it isn’t playful?

Grow Younger
I will not be creaky, dusty, and/or stale in mind or body. I'm turning 40 this year and as far as I’ve been able to determine after much reflections, there are vast more benefits in reaching this number than deficits despite what our culture tells us. It is age bias that makes us “feel old” not age itself.

Here is a short list of benefits of becoming 40 over becoming 30: 

·         I care a whole lot less what people think of me, and stand comfortably in my own skin.

·         I say what is on my mind and believe solidly in the validity of my opinions.

·         I easily laugh at myself and my own jokes.

·         I’m a lot better at forgiving myself.

·         I’m empowered to believe that I can do anything that I envision, if I dedicate myself to it.

·         And damn what society says, I’m healthy, fast, strong and good looking.    

And doesn’t a healthy child feel about the same way about themselves?


Boss Myself
I’ll collaborate. Nothing is more satisfying than working towards a common goal. I’ll seek counsel and take advice from those I respect.  Multiple perspectives help guide my decision making.

But please don’t tell me what to do.  It just won’t go well.   This is in everyone's best interest. It would be a completely unsatisfying endeavor and leave us exhausted, nuts and miserable.

Connect                                                               

My best moments are when I have connected with the people.  We plunge into synchronicity and become greater than each individual.  Belonging to a group of strong, like-minded humans working, strategizing and planning towards a common goal is energizing and life-giving.

I intend to continue to seek connection and synchronicity. This includes stalking the moments both small and grand; a conversation, a fleeting moment or a passing exchange more meaningful than an unwise witness may consciously comprehend. 

Ideas are no different.  Connecting ideas means bringing them to life.  Concretely, so they are greater than their original parts and empowering them to have their own life. Guiding and witnessing worthy ideas birth is fulfilling life work.     

Laugh
Laughter and humor are survival skills. Truth: Laugh every day for mental health.  I adore finding the hidden humor in events.  I hunt giggles, guffaws, belly laughs and joyful tears.  You may think I’m crazy and irreverent, but I’m content.    

Limit Butt Time
No long hours in a chair at a computer please.  I need to move to feel alive.  Whatever is next, I will not be sitting on my ass all day doing it. 

Promote Love, Beauty and Magic
Whatever I do, it will be connected not just to the appreciation of the life-affirming but promotion of it.  The wild spreading of what brings us purpose and joy will be central to my day to day profession. 

Ban Bad Assholes
Truth: Everyone is an asshole sometime or other. 

But I like the good assholes. A good asshole pushes the status quo, cries for change, sees that the world is simply not good enough, calls it out and in doing so makes people uncomfortable. I respect them and the world needs them though some would call them assholes for it. Good assholes are courageous, dedicated, thoughtful, insightful, moral, equitable and even visionary. They are dedicated to their goals, they don't care if you think they are an asshole for it. They need that energy and courage to carry them. I am energized by them and their mission.

Bad assholes are incompetent, rude, condescending, time-wasting and/or dysfunctional and even worse. They suck the energy from you and go out of their way to ensure everything stays the same, stale, tasteless and uninspiring. They like the status quo and see no use in any improvements and often times will go to lengths to make sure everything stays the same.  They are soul-damaging if they are put in leadership positions.

With so many other, inspiring, authentic, challenging humans on the planet it makes no sense to empower bad assholes with my time. 

Push Failure
Fear and failure mark the learning edge.  And the learning edge reaps the most personal and global benefits in all we do.  If I’m not feeling the razor sharpness of my actions, then I’m not pushing myself enough.  And I’m not marking the path to my true potential. I’m going to push failure and feel the fear as a marker that I’m on the right trail.    

Explore
Explore because there is more than I can possibly know. Discover the new in travel,  life, ideas, profession, and relationships.  In the process of letting the known go, doors upon doors of possibilities open.  Like a traveler, hitching their backpack and boarding a train to a new destination, the excitement of a new voyage awaits and I’ll embrace the change and journey with the spirit of an adventurer.       

Ambiguity

More kernels of wisdom from Reframing Organizations.  This one is a short list of  the sources of ambiguity on page 25.

• We are not sure what the problem is.
• We are not sure what is really happening.
• We are not sure what we want.
• We do not have the resources we need.
• We are not sure who is supposed to do what.
• We are not sure how to get what we want.
• We are not sure how to determine if we have succeeded.

Could change be as simple as identifying a source of ambiguity and making it clear, safe and understandable?  Creating a a safe environment is a constant theme in my work.  My colleagues ask for a safe space all the time.  We live in a culture of fear and ambiguity.  Fear can stunt progress and stifle relationships. 

A certain amount of safety creates a space where people can innovate and grow.  It seeds relationships and opens up communication.  It allows information to flow smoothly and for ideas to cross pollinate.  Simultaneously, being too safe can make people lazy and compliant.  My hypothesis is that a ripe tension between safety and healthy fear can create productive innovation and a lively, vibrant community. 

From an organizational standpoint, I see all of the above sources of ambiguity flowing around and stunting growth.  Would defining just one of these pave the way for change? 

Using Frames to Understand Conflict

Have you ever felt crazy at work?  Like your perception of reality is not at all like those around you?  And when you ask for feedback or clarification, you get an unreasonable response which furthers the feeling of being crazy? 

I have recently experienced this.  Honestly, my saving grace is email and documentation of events.  No one disagrees with the documentation, but no one involved validates the conflict or even confronts the ethical questions that arise from them.  The documentation grounds me.  The responses shake me up. 

The events at work have caused me to reflect deeply.  During the course of a few weeks in my new position, I had a flash of insight when I realized that my view of leadership is incongruous with others in higher or equal positions.  I began to see a philosophical divide but couldn't pinpoint it exactly. This triggered a memory of a book that I read during my Masters program at Seattle University.  Reframing Organizations, Artistry, Choice and Leadership by Lee G Bolman and Terrence E Deal.

 I'm rereading this book again and it has helped me better understand the events. This book divides the view of an organization into four frames or lenses in which to view its functions.  Each frame has a much different language and understanding of dynamics and events. 

	Structural	Human Resources	Political	Symbolic
Metaphor for Organization	Factory or Machine	Family	Jungle	Carnival, temple, theater
Central Concepts	Rules, roles, goals, policies, technology, environment	Needs, skills, relationships	Power, conflict, competition, organizational politics	Culture, meaning, metaphor, ritual, ceremony, stories, heroes
Image of Leadership	Social architecture	Empowerment	Advocacy	Inspiration
Basic leadership challenge	Attune structure to task, technology, environment	Align organizational and human needs	Develop agenda and power base	Create faith, beauty, meaning

The upper leadership at my organization is very structurally and politically oriented.

I have a human resources and symbolic preference.  I have framed my new job within this context and it has been received with a welcome and relief.  I realize now the reason my peers need this view so desperately is because it does not exist at the upper level.   This has caused a deep organizational thirst for something more.   

During the course of the events since starting this position, I unknowingly entered the political frame when I requested money for a powerfully symbolic project.  This caused deep chaos and ambiguity for a few reasons:

1. I was speaking a symbolic language upper leadership didn't understand.  But I was confident and sure of the power of this symbol.  This was confusing to them. 
2. I was asking for resources in a political framework in which money is always held tightly and fought over by tribes.  Money is the currency of power in the political framework.  You do not ask for money without expecting a conflict. 

As a result, communication broke down. I was asked to follow up in an unreasonable and time-consuming way.  Instead of complying, I responded that I could not effectively do my job under those circumstances and I walked away.  They could keep the money if they wanted to. 

The choice to walk away was personal, not political.  Their request was unreasonable and I wanted to focus on my core duties.  But the choice cracked open the framework.  Suddenly, upper leadership's framework shifted to a Human Resources frame.  They need me to be successful for their own political currency.  Keeping money is only useful in politics to a degree.   

We reached an tentative agreement.

Without understanding the frameworks, the events would still confuse me.  Now I see that the conflict arose essentially from a leadership guided by different frameworks than mine.  I also see that my role in trying to seed change is in communicating and helping people discover the power of the Human Resources and Symbolic frames in an organization that misunderstands them.